I needed a place on the Internet to post this remembrance of Diane’s father:
Our purpose in life is to do the best we can in the current situation, to do the best we can to help ourselves and other people, and to appreciate the human experience and how lucky we are to be here right now. Not to help other people with the expectation of being paid somehow, not for a reward of thanks or social stature or fame or money. No, we’re here to help other people just because that’s the right thing to do. And if you do the right thing selflessly you may find the universe somehow smiling at you, you may find yourself somehow graced with the real blessings of love and abundance and joy.
I never heard John say anything like this out loud, but he conducted his entire life this way. Here are a few stories to illustrate the beauty of John’s life.
I met John 32 years ago. I was 18, just moved to Michigan, didn’t know anybody. Met his daughter (the nice one, not the naughty one). To be honest I was a bit nervous about meeting her parents. But they were so open and welcoming. Soon I was spending weekends at their house and made to feel a part of the family.
Every evening at their house seemed like a party to me. There would be dinner with lots of conversation, talking, and laughing. Then dinner gets cleared off the table and it’s time for playing cards. Every evening, after dinner, card games, talking, laughing. My family? After dinner we retired to the living room, where everybody had a comfy chair and a book. And silence, just reading.
A year later Diane and I moved out of the college dorm and rented an apartment together. My parents were not happy about that. Understatement. But John helped us move in. He brought furniture. He gave us a bed. He gave us a bed. Not something my family would do. Who is this guy?
A few years later, just out of college, Diane and I bought a house. We still weren’t married, though we would be a few months later. Again, my parents were very displeased with this situation, their oldest son, formerly so promising, now living in sin with … some girl. But John? he helped us move in. I don’t think we even asked, he was just always there to help.
Then we suddenly moved to Brazil, for a job opportunity and adventure. My parents were nervous, but not entirely disapproving. But John? He loved the idea and instantly began looking forward to visiting us there. And he did, John and Sandy visited us several times in Brazil.
He loved those trips. Every time we went anywhere he was meeting new people. He would talk to anybody, anytime, in any situation. Language was absolutely not a barrier for John. Now it might have been a barrier for the other people who didn’t speak English and didn’t know what John was saying. But that didn’t slow him down.
Again savoring the human experience. John dived right into life and participated fully and eagerly. That’s what we’re here for. Nobody ever had to tell John that.
A few years later we’re living in Bulgaria in Eastern Europe, and John and Sandy come to visit. We take a trip driving down to Greece, and found a lovely hotel in a small town, by the ocean. We’re having breakfast outside. John had recently had Bell’s palsy, and half his face was still paralyzed by it. So he had to drink coffee through a straw. I wasn’t paying much attention to his coffee details, with all this Rollins-style talking and chit-chat happening. I finished my coffee. Now this was Turkish coffee (describe), not something John had seen before. So when I finished…..
He just laughed and said “I thought it was gritty coffee”. That’s John, absorbing a new experience, maybe a challenging experience, with nothing but happiness and joy. He was not bothered at all that he has just sucked down all these coffee grounds through a straw.
We should all strive to be like that.
The next day we drove to Athens. Did you ever drive to Athens in the 1990s, before the road signs were modernized? Very very confusing. No internet. No telephones. I spoke a few different languages, but couldn’t read a bit of Greek. So we drove to the bright lights and looked for a hotel….
A few years later we bought a motel in Northern Michigan and settled down to raise our children. Now I seriously didn’t plan it this way, but this was a huge opportunity for John, and he enjoyed our motel for years. Here we are sitting around on the porch outside, or out at the picnic tables. And we’re not just at our house, it’s also a motel with all these other people staying there. There was always somebody new to meet and talk to. John met all our customers whenever he was there. It was easy to leave our Motel in the care of John and Sandy so we could get away.
So I could go on and on with stories about John. So many of them would be in this theme, that he threw himself fully into the game of life. He played this game with joy and abandon, and everybody was happy he was on their team. What more can we wish for?
Thanks for having me on your team John.